Advice For Couples
"Do Nots" That Otherwise Kill Relationships
Do Not Stop talking.
Remember the start of your relationship? You couldn't stop talking! You
might’ve spent all night talking to one another, or countless hours on
the phone or cuddled up on a couch somewhere.
Relationships die when the two people in it stop talking. And I don’t
mean actual, physical talking ("We talk all the time!"). I mean the kind
of real, honest conversations that couples have all the time at the
beginning of a relationship, but which fade over time. Here’s help for
improving your communication with your partner.
That fading is a natural progression in most relationships. The key is
to not let that fading turn into never having those real conversations
(which aren’t about the kids, your jobs, or what you read on Chinese
Do Not Stop expressing your feelings.
As we go along in a relationship, it’s also natural to stop saying, "I
love you" as often. Or showing anger when you’re angry at your partner,
or showing adoration when you’re feeling especially loving toward them.
It’s as if the extremes of our emotions are taken away, and all we have
left is a lot of moderate, unsexy feelings.
As much as you might think those feelings are too boring to share, they
remain just as important to share. Yes, the passionate feelings at the
beginning of any relationship tend to fade for most people. But that
doesn't mean you stop feeling, or that you should stop telling your
loved one how you feel.
Do Not Stop listening.
Nobody likes to not be heard. So there’s no better way to kill a
relationship than to stop listening to what your partner has to say.
It shows a lack of respect for the person, and of course your
significant other will pick up on the fact that you’re no longer
listening. If nobody’s listening, how can a relationship grow or thrive?
Especially important is something called active listening, which shows
your partner you’re actively engaged in the conversation.
Do Not Kill the fun.
We hook up together in life for many reasons - shared perspectives and
outlooks, physical attraction, shared spirituality, shared professional
lives, etc. But we also enjoy one another’s company because it’s fun!
When fun leaves a relationship, it can be a sign that the relationship
is heading to the rocks. Fun is a part of life and it’s definitely a
part of any healthy relationship. However you and your significant other
define fun, it’s important to keep doing it even as your relationship
Love to dance but haven’t been in years? It’s time to make a new dance
date. Met while hiking or kayaking, but haven’t made time to do it in
months (or years)? Pack the backpack and get your outdoors on.
Do Not Nitpick.
Nobody likes being told what to do, or how to do it. While some people
may be more open to "suggestions" than other from their helpful partner,
it can also be seen as nitpicking for little good reason.
Really? There’s a "better" way to clean the sink? That’s nice" use it
the next time you do it then.
When I want to nitpick nowadays, I just keep in mind that if I want to
go to the trouble of offering unrequested advice, I might as well
suggest I do it myself. Or just do it next time myself, without having
someone needing to ask.
Nitpicking may be a sign of needing to "control" others, but it may also
just be a sign of the way some people were brought up. In any case, it’s
a bad habit and one you should try and curtail in your relationship.
Do Not Threaten The Relationship Or Your Partner.
Wow, threatening your significant other is such a turn-off.
Fatal.Whether you’re threatening to leave, break-up, find another sex
partner, move on, or take time apart it’s never a good sign for a
healthy relationship. Be careful. People who exhibit this kind of
conduct may be completely unable to sustain a relationship where they
are not totally in control of the other person which is called "slavery"
(unhealthy) or a master-slave relationship (unhealthy).
Threats are made in an act of desperation or feeling like a situation is
out of control - the threat is an attempt to regain control over the
other person. However, threats are juvenile and more suited for
children’s temper tantrums than an adult, mature relationship.
When a partner resorts to threats, it’s time to re-evaluate the
relationship’s long-term potential and consider getting away from this
Do Not Ignore your partner.
They say the one thing worse than being hated by someone is simply to be
ignored by them. Being ignored means the person doesn’t even care enough
to waste the energy of anger on you.
The same is true with relationships. If you take a lot of the previous
tips and add them together, you have active ignoring. If you’re ignoring
your partner (or vice-a-versa) for any period of time longer than a few
days, that’s a sure sign the relationship is in trouble.
You don’t hook up with a person only to be ignored by them.